So Embarrassing

Since hardly anyone reads this, I thought I'd post this video here before I make it public on my channel. It's embarrassing. It was meant to be a test run, but I feel like if I try to run through the content again, it'll sound scripted. I'm a mess in it. Wearing my painting clothes, zit cream on my forehead. But hey! Reality. So check it out. Is this something I should actually consider doing? VLOGGING on YouTube? Let me know what you think.

Editor-in-Chief

Harper J is a voracious reader. He inhales books. Presently, he's addicted to the Warriors series by Erin Hunter. This is his Harry Potter, and there are WAY more than seven books. There are five sub-series, and several stand-alone books. He's halfway through the third series.

A couple of months ago, he was reading and found an error. Not spelling or grammatical, but one of the names was wrong. As the cats in the books grow in the clans, their names change. He noticed that one of the names had reverted to the cat's former name. I told him he should email the Editor, so it could be corrected in future prints. We emailed him from my account (since I check my email more frequently than he does), and we heard back from the editor a few days later:

It was so exciting! Harper immediately started looking for (and finding) other errors. I told him the free book was probably a one-shot deal, but he could email the editor from his own account and give it a go. 

His book came in the mail this week:

At the rate he reads these books with distractions like school, and soccer, I calculate he'll finish almost all of the books over summer break.

Completely Unrelated

The first half of last year, I was an exercise fiend. I worked out every day during my lunch break. Then we went to New York, and shortly after, I went to Europe. Then school started. I just haven't had time to get back to the gym. Now I work 7:30-5:30 and do homework during my lunch break, so that when I'm home, I'm present with my kid. When he isn't home, I'm painting. (Because I decided this is the year to redecorate the house.)

Now it's been ten months since I was exercising regularly, and I'm feeling it. I'm tired. I'm achy. I haven't gained any weight, but I feel gross. I have friends who work out, and I'm genuinely jealous. I want to be fit again. I want to wear shorts and fit into those jeans and be confident in tank tops. But when I have time to actually work out for a few minutes on Friday, Saturday or Sunday, I don't wanna. I'm tired. But I'm more tired of looking at pics of tiny women and coveting their size sixes.

Here's the thing: I've overcome so much of what was laid upon me. My parents didn't go to college. I have an Associates, and I'm working toward my Bachelors. Mold: broken. My mom was an alcoholic. I refuse to succumb. I would get so frustrated with her when she would complain about being overweight, but she wouldn't even go on walks. I do NOT want to be that way. So... I have to change my way of thinking. Maybe look at it as an act of rebellion. I'm 40, but a girl still has to go against some kind of flow.

So I'm contemplating joining this Fit Girl Challenge (blog link to the right). I started it in January, but didn't finish, because I lost motivation. That's kinda my schtick: losing motivation. Especially when it comes to working out. But I can do this. Right? I mean... even if I just go on walks, and work out for 15 minutes a day. Start SOMEWHERE. Geez, woman. I also signed up for DailyBurn. They have a ton of different videos with different times on them. I could pick one that's 15 minutes, or one that's 60, if I have time.

The challenge starts April 20th. It's called the #28dayjumpstart. Honestly, I should have done three of these by now, and I should be on the bikini challenge. Oh well. Start somewhere. Start now. I can do this.

I guess the contemplation is over.

This Is How We Do

Harper and I have very stimulating conversations.

Last night it was:

H: Thanks for popping my pimples.
Me: You're welcome. I've always kind of enjoyed that. Weird... I know.
H: Is that how you hurt people?
Me: Are you calling me a sadist?
H: ...

This morning:

H: Guess what?
Me: You built a spaceship and you're going to Mars?
H: Mommmmm

a few minutes later:

H: Know what stinks?
Me: Poop?
H: Ugh. Mom!

and finally:

H: Know what kinda sucks?
Me: A teeny tiny vampire?
H: Mom! You're supposed to say, "What?"
Me: Oh. What?
H: ... Ugh... I can't even remember now.


And that's how we do. Don't get me wrong. There are plenty of times that he's the one dishing it out. This just happened to be my turn. Also, it really aggravates him when I answer his intro question. And what's the point of having a kid, if you can't aggravate them?

April Showers

Somehow I managed to miss March. I mean, it's not like I skipped three years, but still. I wanted to get back into this, and I'm already slacking. I don't see how. With school (mine and Harper's), work, painting the house... I have SO much free time!

Harper turned ten last month. TEN. I gave him a few little gifts on the days leading up to his birthday, and saved the big one for his actual big day. He had no idea. Our Wii had died a couple of months prior, and I told him it was just poor luck. I couldn't afford a Wii U. Well, I bought one with my tax return. I had a bit of buyer's remorse (those things aren't cheap), but let me tell you... he opened that box, and as soon as he knew what it was, he literally screamed and jumped into my arms! I thought I would burst with joy at his reaction. He's been asking for one since they came out, and I've always said no. I wish every gift would merit that response.

He's had two soccer games so far. They've lost both of them, but he doesn't care. He has so much fun when he plays! He and the goalie were named the MVPs at the last game, and the other kids had to apologize for not pulling their own weight. Look at that boy connect with the ball!

Do you ever have times where you feel like you can't get on the same page and connect with your kid, though? Man. We've been having one of those moments for the last week. No matter what I say or do, it's wrong. I'm not sensitive enough to his needs. I'm too sensitive to my own. I'm sure it will balance out eventually, but it sure is hard in the moment.

Parenting is not for the weak.

I am Fallible

Harper started soccer again. The nights he practices are Tuesdays and Thursdays at 5:30, which are my nights with him. I work until 5:30. I cannot possibly take him, so his dad does. I was frustrated about it at first, but I decided it was dumb to feel that way. Harper is doing something he wants to do. It's athletic, and it gets him into a team, being social, and active. So as quickly as I was annoyed, I just as quickly let it go. Harper noticed it in my tone when we talked about it. "Are you upset that soccer practice is on your night? I don't have to play." I've always believed in being as honest as I can with him. Telling him how I feel, and why. I think it will help him communicate better. So I told him, "NO! You should play. It will be fun! You'll enjoy it. I was upset at first, because it's on my night, but I'm not anymore. I think it's a good thing, regardless of who's night it falls on." Weather permitting, soccer practice will resume next week.

We were in the kitchen Tuesday night, and he'd had a snow day, so no soccer practice. He said "I have homework to do." I was immediately irritated. "You had a snow day. You were home with dad ALL day, doing super fun stuff. Why do you have homework to do?" God love that kid, he started to cry. Quietly. I didn't know it at first, because I was cooking, and my back was turned. When I realized he was crying, I knew I had said something wrong. I wrapped my arms around him, and asked him to tell me what was bothering him. He didn't want to tell me. I finally coaxed it out of him. "I know I could have done it at dad's, but I like when YOU help me with my homework." My heart was crushed and warmed at the same time. I had inadvertently hurt his feelings, because I didn't know that in his mind, it *is* our quality time when I help him with his homework. It gives me a whole new appreciation for those moments. Now I know when we're arguing with each other over how to spell "apologize" or raising our voices because he KNOWS 24 times 3 is 92 and he won't listen to me explain why it's NOT... those are the times he cherishes. It makes me laugh just to think about it.

Goals (Mine, Not His)

I haven't posted in years. Literally. More than one. I think part of the distraction from a blog is Facebook. Well, I deactivated my Facebook account, so here I am. We'll see how long it will last. I know better than to make promises of daily, or even weekly posts. Maybe I'll do it when I remember I actually have a blog. Or when Harper does something that I can no longer post on Facebook. That seems more likely. The draw of FB is the instant feedback. The likes, the comments. You know you've been heard. Your child's witty remarks or behavior has been documented. Your fears or joys have been justified.

 I feel like there's a lot going on. I got a new job. I'm in school (still). I'm redecorating the house. Harper is in the fourth grade. He turns 10 (TEN!!!) next week. He's learning the violin. He starts soccer tonight. He won the school spelling bee, so he will compete in regionals on March 7th.

I updated the layout. I deleted, added and edited some links. Let's see how this goes.

New Year, New Direction

It's a new day of a new year. Harper has been gone since December 26th, and my heart aches every time he calls. I haven't been without him for this long in over a year.

In the last year, I've dealt with heartache and loss. Depression and anxiety. I've leaned on my friends... sometimes I feel like too much, other times I feel like not enough. I'm still trying to figure things out. I'm not whole. I'm broken. 2011 was about surviving. 2012 will be about healing.

The one person who could put a smile on my face without fail? This guy.

Man, he makes me happy. All that other stuff fades away when I hug him and hear his laugh. He is such a blessing to me, and I know I am loved.

So this year, all changes I make will not just be an improvement on who I am, but they will set an example for my son on the kind of person I want him to be. The changes will set in motion a series of events that will change our lives for the better. I'm hopeful. It feels good.

I'm a Bad Blogger

I'm going to make an attempt to pick up this blog again! My boy is growing and changing and these things need to be chronicled.

Here is my handsome boy at dinner tonight.

If I start doing better, can I get a gold star?

Love

I tell Harper I love him about 750,000 times a day. I asked him if I tell him too much. He said "No. You don't say it enough."  Works for me.

Mini Harperism

Harper: "Mom, do you think I'm cute?"
Me: "I think you're very handsome. Did someone say you're cute?" (Thinking it's a girl at school.)
Harper: "Yeah"
Me: "Who?"
Harper: "You. I think you're cute, too, Mommy."

My Cheerleader

SO... I FINALLY got a job!! I've been unemployed for an obscene amount of time. Seriously. But Tuesday, a company I temped for from November 2008 until March 2009, called me and offered me a job! One of their girls is leaving and I already know how to do half of her job. They were going to hire me back in February, but they had a hiring freeze and had to lay off a ton of employees. Being a temp, I didn't last much longer. I interviewed on Wednesday, and they asked if I could start right that second. I couldn't, because I had to work out after school care for Harper, but I reported for duty this morning. Yay!

When I picked up Harper from school yesterday and told him that I got a job, he yelled 'That's GREAT Mom! Can I get a Buzz Lightyear now?' He'd been so patient over the summer with not getting toys when we go to the store, I told him we'd have a celebratory mini spree at Target. Instead of Buzz, he picked out some 'Cars' cars and I bought a new pair of slacks to wear.

This morning, I took him to school. When I was leaving he said 'Wait! I need one more hug and kiss.' I squatted down, and that little bugger gave me the biggest hug he could muster and kissed me goodbye. I set him down and told his teacher, 'That's the best first day on the job send off anyone could ever hope for,' and turned to walk away. Harper yelled 'MOM!' And I turned around to see the biggest grin on that beautiful face and he was giving me a thumbs up.

Man, I love that kid.

Fundraiser Time!!

Harper is having his very first fundraiser! They have some pretty tasty treats and some neat Christmas gift ideas. Please check out the catalogues 'Gourmet Cookie Dough and More' and 'Happy Holidays'.

All orders must be placed by October 5th. If you see something you like, please send me a message and I will give you Harper's seller i.d., then you can log in HERE and place your order. Sorry for the cloak and dagger, but safety is my first concern when I'm posting personal information on an public blog.

Typical Conversations in Our House

August 24th. Background: My brother breeds dogs. We have just come back from a visit, where one of the dogs has had puppies. Harper has seen them nursing.

Harper: Did you make milk when I was a baby?
Me: Um, yes.
Harper: How did I drink it?
Me: Seriously? Do I have to answer this?

Eventually, I just got out the Baby's First Year book and we talked about it. I mean, it's nature, right? Nothing to be embarrassed about? But I admit it, I was. He's four!

August 28th. After dinner.

Harper: Wow Mom. That sure is a lot of food in your belly!
Me: Thanks kid. My self esteem was skyrocketing. Way to keep me grounded.

September 13th. Background: Harper was looking at one of his baby books and saw a picture of himself wearing a bib. He asked if we still had it. I said I doubt it, but if we did, it would be in the drawer where I keep the dishtowels. He dug through and found it. He insisted on wearing it with lunch.

Harper: Mom, do I have three of those boobs?
Me: Boobs?
Harper: Yeah, that thing I put on at lunch.
Me: Bibs, honey. Bibs.
Harper: Yeah, those.

A Brief Letter to My Best Guy

So here we are. Four and a half years old. I'm not sure what happened, maybe I sneezed or blinked, maybe I even turned my head for a second. Whatever it was, all I know is that suddenly, you've become a child. One who's big and reads books and states his opinion about everything and obsesses about words and what they say and doesn't. ever. stop. talking.

Oh the talking. I know I've mentioned the talking before, but I could never talk enough about the amount of talking you do. If you were a cartoon strip, I would get smothered by your conversation bubbles in two frames flat. You can out-talk me, my child, which is freaking unbelievable, because I swear sometimes I think I deserve a world record for my talking. And yet, the talking gene mutated when you were created and turned into this monster talking machine that favors the word 'why'.

My dreams are haunted by the why question. For that matter, so are my days. I can't answer anything without you asking 'why?' as a follow up. You ask me questions about things that you already know the answer to. Maybe you’re testing me? I haven't figured that part out yet.

You are amazing, smart, perceptive and hilarious when you choose to be. You're so funny, that you have been most of my status updates on Facebook this past month.

Since the day after your 4th birthday party: "Well, I'm almost five now." Well, you have a year to go, but yes, son, you’re on your way. On one hand, you can't wait to be five, six and seven, but on the other, you do NOT want to get older. You want to stay little forever.

I realized the other day that you and I, we're like an old married couple, we bicker all the time, and yet it's obvious to anyone who knows us that there's a deep love and respect there. And that's probably true. And if I have to bicker with you for the rest of my life, then I'm okay with that, because every night, I kiss you goodnight and you squeeze me so hard, that my heart practically implodes.

You're an amazing child. Someone said to me the other day, "You look like you're a good mom." The truth is? I'm not the good one. I'm just lucky enough to have you for a son. You make it look easy, kid. And I love that you make me look good. I hope I make you look good too.

Delayed Post

Well, this is kind of a delayed post. Should be interesting, too, since I'm trying out new publishing software. Fingers crossed that it looks just as great, if not better, than before!

But back in June, we went to Grandad's to hang for the day and take our annual pics.

H and Grandad played hide and go seek, concentration, and I believe a round of Go Fish. Harper wasn't super cooperative for pictures, but we got at least one good one in the bunch. And before we had to head home, Aunt Nancy and cousins Brad and Steven came for a visit.

Grandad ready for an action shot:

Good pic, but no Mona:

The winning pic:

Playing Concentration with Grandad:

A quiet ride home:

Dinner with the Richardsons

We had dinner with our good friends David and Sarah Richardson the other night. They have two girls, Karis and Allison. They played so well together and were absolutely hysterical.

Action shot

David teaching H to throw a frisbee

Allison disappeared for a few minutes. I don't know where she went, but Supergirl came in her place.

Sometimes girls win.

I wish I had a picture of it, but you can see they don't have a fence. When Allison would get too close to the drive (they live on a golf course), Harper would run down and get her. Holding her hand the whole way up. So sweet! I think she reminded him of Kenzie. He played really well with her.

First Day of School!!!

Harper has been SO excited for school to start! I hope it lasts all year. He gets to wear a uniform, which I'm excited about. Now, instead of hearing about all the cool clothes the other kids are wearing?, I'll just have to hear about the shoes.

Handsome as ever and ready to go! Posing here with Duke.

Official First Day of School portrait

H and Daddy making silly faces. I think Harper looks like he's doing the robot, but maybe that's just me.

Me and my little man.

Are we done taking pictures, yet, Mom?!

Two Wheel Riding Machine!

Harper called me from Daddy's today and told me that he had to take his training wheels off his bike because they were broken. "And guess what! I can ride without training wheels!" So I jumped in the car and went to the church parking lot by Jody's house so I could snap some pics of this historic occasion!

Harper said he had a hard time turning at first. But Dad would run in front of his bike and told H to just follow his feet. That's what he did and now he's a pro! Daddy has been running for a few months. I told him that it was just practice so he'd be ready for this.

Meet the Teacher!

Harper is starting Pre-K and we got to meet his teacher and check out his room. It's a huge room with lots of centers set up. A center just for cutting paper, playdough, a library, painting, creative play with costumes, blocks, etc. A four year old's heaven!

The Pup is Growing

Here are a couple of pics of Ianto. He's nearly 3 months.

Brookie J

My beautiful niece at five and a half months.

Bowling Buddies

Steven and I took Harper and Kenzie bowling. I had signed them up through www.kidsbowlfree.com and they got to bowl free all summer. We didn't really go all that often, but it was still a really good deal, and he loved it!

Letting the ball go

His "waiting and watching" stance

It looks like a winning shot!

Victory dance!

Harperisms of the Day

I made chicken enchilada soup and cornbread for dinner. Harper was poking around his bowl and kept asking if I picked out the potatoes. I said, 'I didn't put potatoes in it.'
He kept asking over and over about potatoes. Finally I said, 'Do you mean tomatoes?' He said, 'Yeah, the red things.'
I said, 'Look at my mouth TOH-MAY-TOH.' He said, 'Look at MY mouth POH-TAY-TOH.' Touche.

My mom came over for dinner and brought some Vanilla ice cream from Braum's (since my homemade ice cream ended up being rubbish). She said, 'Did you know that Braum's has Cake Batter ice cream now, and Brownie Batter ice cream?' ?!?!
After dinner, we were eating our ice cream, I said to Harper, 'Braum's has cake batter ice cream?! O.M.G.' He said, 'O.M.G.'
A couple of bites later, I said, 'BROWNIE BATTER ICE CREAM?! O.M.G.' He said, 'U.P.S.!'

The Best Birthday Gift...

...is a super hero. Who doesn't want one to help make a cake?

We celebrated Aunt Shari's, Conner's and my birthdays in July. In celebration, Harper and I made a rainbow cake. It was really fun and SUPER good. It was so good, in fact, that it turned the kiddos into super heroes.

We took two cake mixes and five colors (mixed two for six) to make a six layer rainbow cake.

Harper added the eggs...

...and the water...

We separated them into bowls and added the color.

It's pretty on the outside...

And gorgeous in the inside...

Tasty, too!


May I introduce the two newest super heroes:

And... Upside Down Goggle Boy:

Puppy Love

If you didn't know, we welcomed a new member into our family on July 1st. He is now 8 weeks old, he's an English Mastiff and we named him Ianto (sounds like yan-toh) and it is Welsh for John (def: Gift of God).

He's learning the ropes around here. I'm getting him on a routine for potty training. He knows where the food is (and thank goodness he can't get to it!). He loves his toys and most of all loves Mona. I think he could live without me and H as long as he had her. She, of course, could very happily live without him. I catch her playing with him in the backyard sometimes... dragging him around with her rope toy while he holds onto the other end. Wrestling... play biting, and warning bites every now and then.

It's a challenge, but he's worth it.

Here is a pic from when he came home. So little!


It's amazing how much he's grown in the last couple of weeks! Can you tell how much taller he is?

He's not going to fit here for long:

Or here:

This is a normal sight:

As is this. He'll be bigger than she is soon, but he'll know who's boss.